Brian

By Mike Brittany-with-a-Y was mid-selfie when the universe decided to accessorize her skull. She wore neon and hummed like a refrigerator full of dreams. The halo materialized during golden hour—that Instagram-sacred time when reality briefly forgives its own imperfections. One moment she posed against exposed brick (because of course)

By Bernice, Fly on the Wall One finds oneself in the most inconvenient positions when pursuing truth. Take, for instance, my current lodging inside an oxygen mask of Air Force One—that stately bird of American imperialism now reeking of overcooked steak and desperation as it ferries our illustrious leader

By Penelope the Owl They tell me I should put myself out there. They tell me love might come when I least expect it. They tell me lots of things, and I nod and pretend I haven't heard it all before, usually from married people who found their

A Goat's Look at Rising Beef Consumption by Maurice the Goat The rich bastards eat beef again. In their high-rise apartments, they slice into bloody ribeyes like they breathe air. The young ones too - the same kids who spent years telling everyone how they saved the goddamn

by Penelope the Owl, Who Would Call but the Existential Abyss Swallowed Her Cell Tower. I perch here, on this branch of cosmic understanding, watching you humans perform the strange ritual you call "socializing." Once upon a moonlit yesteryear, Americans gathered around tables laden with overcooked vegetables and